the brewing machine

Why did the disciples abandon their families to follow Christ?  Why did Aldus Santos choose to be a rock star over being an industrial engineer despite his superior IQ?  Why did Gary Granada pursue his musicianship instead of being a metallurgical engineer? Why did Christopher Philips choose practicing philosophy in coffee shops instead of being an esteemed professor in the academe? Why did Shaira Luna opt to be a photographer instead of an MD? Why did Bobby Fischer prefer obscurity over fame?

Why did I quit medical school on my graduating year? There had to be a catch to it right, or else I’ll be the first person in our family to be crucified.

I have gotten tired of trying to explain the whole rationale of my decision?  I feel like a convicted felon trying to prove my innocence every time. 

To give you an idea how close my decision was to being the most dim-witted I’ve ever made, these were the facts at the time I buried the idea that I’ll be writing prescriptions while dressed in white for the rest of my life.

I have spent a total of four years and six months in my medical training. 

My parents have invested, or should I say squandered, easily over 400,000 pesos.

And probably the most underrated of all, I’ve endured stress, failures, pressure and melancholy in those four and a half years more than in the 20 years before that. 

I was less than a year from finishing Medicine Proper, and about two years from being a licensed doctor.  What the fuck was I thinking?!

I don’t intend to make this article look like a legal document by enumerating my arguments and discussing them in details.  Hence, my explanation will be in the form of an analogy.  Geez, even Jesus Christ used parables.  Forgive my frequent allusions to the guy.  He just happens to be my biggest idol.

Now think of a person you admire the most. Someone you don’t know personally and not acquainted to.  Better if he’s a public figure and also admired by many others.  It could be Ninoy Aquino, Jessica Zaphra, Oprah Winfrey, any member of The Beatles, Bono, Michael Jordan, or even Britney Spears if you want to.  Suit yourself. 

So do you have yours already? 

Imagine meeting this person in a coffee shop.  Just you and him (or her), jabbering about anything under the sun.  He wants you to ask any question you wish because he likes it that he can talk to someone honestly and off-the-record.  He shares his thoughts on his personal life and on his line of work.  Things he has never shared with anyone besides his closest friends.

Then he asks you what you think about him.  What is it that you like about him.  He listens to every word you utter.  You sometimes catch him agape in surprise to what your saying and even bursts into laughter now and again.  For the most part he just smiles, enjoying every insight from you. 

After four hours he says he’s got to take off, but suddenly asks you if you’d want to tag along.  Apparently the day won’t just end with that marathon of a conversation.  You can actually spend the whole day with him and experience a typical day in his life.  He’s not anyone special anyway, he’s just the person you admire the most in the known universe!  Of course you say yes.          

At the end of the day he asks you if you could be flat mates.  Dizzying as it may sound, you have a chance to be a legitimate part of this person’s life.  Surreal but true.  Then again, of course you say yes.

When it rains it pours.  You learn that someone is writing a biography about your idol.  And now that you’ve become friends with him you’ll be a part if it too! 

When the roller coaster has reached the topmost of its course, the next is the big drop.  It’s the law of physics.  Nothing can contest it. 

After two months of leaving on the same roof with this person, you decide to move out.  The writer who’s doing the biography tells you he’s removing you from the story if you go but you don’t care.  There’s nothing that can make you stay.

Why?  What did we miss!? 

In those two months you got close to your idol, you learned some things about him that you know you can never live with. 

First, he is a sex addict who has impregnated 47 women and forced them to have the fetus aborted at gun point.  (Or if she’s a girl, she has committed abortion 47 times if that is even physiologically passible)

Second, he has a temper problem and sadistic tendencies to his house helpers.  He batters them every time his instructions are not followed to the last drop.

Lastly, he’s also a wife batterer.  He unintentionally killed his wife by beating her to death after a heated argument.  And you witnessed that happen in front of you.

These things you learned don’t take away what ever it is about him you admired.  If he is a writer, he remains to be that eloquent writer who wrote those rousing stories you’ve read.  If he’s an actor, he is still that handsome guy next door you’ve watch over and over on the silver screen.  If he’s a public leader, he’s still that brilliant dynamic person that people consult to for societal direction.

          But at the same time he is also those horrific things you never could have known without living with him.

For four and a half years, I was in a marriage with Medicine. 

I still appreciate the mystic of the profession.  God-like knowledge and abilities, unparalleled confidence from people (only medical doctors are trusted by their patients to have their bodies cut open and their internal organs stitched together), and social respect that is only surpassed by the priest. 

I still remember the romanticism I had for the profession.  Law students say they want to make a difference by putting the scoundrels in society behind bars.  That by the power of the law, they would protect the innocent and chastise the guilty.  To slay dragons in short.

The dragon I intended to slay was the hepa virus that causes infected people to glow yellow, the notorious cholesterol that clog cardiac arteries causing myocardial infarction, or the enigmatic protein molecule causing prion diseases like the Mad Cow disease.  Of course there are hundreds more.     

I had to be intimate with Medicine to unearth its full nature. 

And just like what happened to you and your idol, I also discovered things that made me pack my bag.  Like I said, I do not intend to enumerate them.  Suffice to say that there are.  If you know me enough, you know I wouldn’t leave without a valid reason.

Right now I’m happily back together with my first love—Psychology, Philosophy, and music.  It’s bliss being polygamous. Hehe.

I admit.  I may have wasted the last five years of my life.  But at least, I saved the rest of it.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 30th, 2005 at 9:36 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.